Gotham City is a busy place, with a lot going down each and every week. In this monthly column, Joshua Lapin-Bertone helps you stay on top of it all by letting you know what you should be paying attention to within the Bat-Family…and why.
 

The holidays are over, and the decorations are coming down. But here’s what I’m really wondering. How long do I need to keep my old roommate’s annual newsletter on the fridge? When is it okay to take that down?

Surprisingly, this got me thinking about Batman. (Okay, maybe not surprisingly since I’m always thinking about Batman.) I have to imagine that, much like my ex-roomie, Batman sends out an end-of-year newsletter. You know, those big yearly cards where your casual work friend, distant family member or high school acquaintance updates you about their kid making the honor roll or the family trip to Nebraska. How do you think Batman’s Justice League teammates feel about these cards? Are they wonderfully witty? Or do the heroes dread reading them each year?

(I realize I’m spending a lot of time speculating on the hypothetical holiday habits of a fictitious character, but this is DC.com where we wear the nerd badge proudly and that’s not changing in 2024 or any year.)

This isn’t the first time I’ve wondered this. Last year, I wrote a column where I speculated on what Batman wrote in his 2022 holiday newsletter. So, to kick off the New Year, I thought it might be fun to revisit that idea and muse about what made it into the Dark Knight’s 2023 end-of-year newsletter.

First of all, I think the newsletter would come with an accompanying photo of Bruce and Damian. If you’re reading Batman and Robin, then you know that father and son are currently living together again. There have been some challenges, like Damian attending public high school, but I think Bruce feels rejuvenated now that they’re together again. Their relationship still needs some work, but it’s in the best shape it’s been in years. Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if Damian actually smiled in the holiday photo.

Unfortunately, I think it might be hard to get some of the other Bat-Family members together for that pic. Things have been awkward ever since The Gotham War storyline. Catwoman had a plan to reduce Gotham’s violent crimes by over 70%, but it meant that Batman had to turn a blind eye while Selina trained a group of white-collar criminals, leading to a morality debate that split Batman from his longtime allies. And when I say split, I’m not just talking about those uncomfortable family arguments we have over the holidays.

Things got physical, and at one point Batman brainwashed Red Hood. Nightwing responded by cutting the Dark Knight off from their network. Everyone made up in the end, but things are still pretty strained. In fact, the storyline concludes with Bruce telling Dick he was right to remove him from their network. Feeling that he was no longer in a position to be a good leader, he placed Dick in charge of the Bat-Family. So yeah, I don’t think Jason and the others will be gleefully showing up for that holiday photo.

(I also think it’s safe to say that Bruce will gloss over The Gotham War in his holiday newsletter.)

Still, while most of his children might be mad at him, I don’t think that will stop Bruce from bragging about their accomplishments. He would proudly write about Cassandra joining the new Birds of Prey. He would boast about their first mission, which took the Birds to Themyscira to rescue Black Canary’s surrogate daughter Sin. The mission caused the Birds to clash with Wonder Woman, but Batgirl held her own. Come on, we all know Bruce would love telling everyone about how Cassandra went toe-to-toe with Wonder Woman…even if it would make sending the letter to Diana a little awkward.

Bruce might write about his trip through the multiverse, where he met multiple versions of himself and the Joker. Yes, that included all of your favorites, like the Batman: The Animated Series version, the Michael Keaton Batman and even Adam West. Bruce will enjoy recounting how he was able to stop a Joker-shark (yes, this happened) using shark repellent bat spray. Hal Jordan and Barry Allen might think Bruce is making this up, but its inclusion will make this a holiday newsletter worth remembering. Heck, I wonder if Bruce keeps in touch with all the other Batmen. Maybe he’ll send them copies of the newsletter as well.

I particularly hope Bruce includes the story of how he “teamed up” with Deadman to defeat Insomnia, a supernatural villain who plunged the DC Universe into a world of nightmares. You could read all about it in Knight Terrors, a storyline that proved to be a pivotal turning point for the Dawn of DC era. Then again, that might be something Bruce would prefer to keep to himself since he actually slept through the conflict while Deadman used his body as a vessel.

For my money, though, that’s why it should be included—particularly how it ended. Deadman worked Bruce’s body so hard, that once he left, Bruce took a long nap.

A really long nap.

Bruce Wayne slept for eight entire weeks!

I find myself getting jealous of Batman quite often, but this is probably the most jealous I’ve ever been.

Batman has had quite an eventful 2023, so I hope he enjoyed the holidays. After all, he probably won’t be getting eight weeks of sleep in 2024, not unless Nightwing has to keep him tranquilized. (Check out Titans: Beast World if you’re not sure what I’m talking about.)

As for all of you, I hope you had a great holiday season and a wonderful New Year. And yes, I think it’s okay to toss those end-of-year newsletters now as we make our way into 2024. Looking forward to discussing the Bat-Family’s adventures with you all throughout it!
 

Joshua Lapin-Bertone writes about TV, movies and comics for DC.com, is a regular contributor to the Couch Club and writes our monthly Batman column, "Gotham Gazette." Follow him on Twitter at @TBUJosh.

NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this feature are solely those of Joshua Lapin-Bertone and do not necessarily reflect those of DC or Warner Bros. Discovery, nor should they be read as confirmation or denial of future DC plans.