July is almost over and your kids have been out of school for weeks. You may like having them around the house, but even the most disciplined of children are getting a little bit stir crazy. So, you’re probably considering doing what millions of parents before you have done—sending them to camp. The problem is that this late in the summer, all of the good ones are booked up.
Still, even with no other options, we don’t recommend sending your kids to a summer camp in the DC Universe. First of all, they’re fictional, but more to the point, most of them have some severe problems. Unsure what we mean? Well, let’s dive into these brochures as we examine five noteworthy DC summer camps you definitely should not send your kids to!
1) Camp Shadowcat
As Seen In: 1995’s Robin #21-22
Like most camps in the DC Universe, Camp Shadowcat has a deadly secret. The summer camp is marketed as a place for teenage boys to learn ninja skills, but it’s actually a training ground for thieves. They do give the campers cool ninja costumes, but the tradeoff is a life of crime.
In Robin #21, some of the ninja camp graduates begin robbing Gotham City homes, which brings the camp’s activities to Batman’s attention. Robin infiltrates the camp, exposes their criminal activities, and shuts the entire operation down. Unfortunately, this means that you probably won’t be getting your tuition back.
2) Camp Bravo
As Seen In: Superboy #190
If a summer camp looks too good to be true, it probably is. Camp Bravo is the perfect example. At first glance, it seems like the perfect summer getaway. The camp gives homeless orphans a place to have fun in the outdoors, and it even features Superboy as a camp counselor. But don’t be so quick to send your kids there.
It turns out the whole camp is just a front for a child labor scheme. The other camp counselors hypnotize the kids into searching for Civil War-era gold. Thankfully, Superboy puts a stop to this and gets the camp directors arrested. The good news is the kids manage to find the gold, so it was still a pretty cool summer (if we ignore the egregious child labor violations).
3) Camp Alien Abduction
As Seen In: House of Mystery #212
The summer camp seen in House of Mystery #212 was never named, but I’m going to call it Camp Alien Abduction for reasons that will make sense shortly. The story begins when a kid named Richie is sent to a sleepaway camp, and his bunkmates exhibit some startling behavior. The other kids tell Richie that the counselors are murdering all the campers and that the food is poisoned.
In response, the kids begin stockpiling weapons and start murdering the counselors one by one. This startles Richie, who just wanted to go on hikes and make macaroni art. One of the other campers then explains that the counselors are actually aliens, and that’s why the kids are killing them. Richie doesn’t believe them, because he doesn’t realize he’s in a story that’s being published in a horror anthology.
Anyway, it all ends with the aliens realizing the jig is up, so they launch the entire camp into outer space, campers and all. It’s a once in a lifetime experience you won’t get at any other camp, but I would probably suggest sending your kids elsewhere.
4) Camp Robin
As Seen In: Star Spangled Comics #82
In 1948, Dick Grayson decided to start a summer camp as a side hustle. Camp Robin was founded with the goal of giving impoverished children a chance to play. That’s a worthy pursuit but between the name and the giant flag with Robin’s face on it, the whole thing kinda felt like a massive ego trip. Robin even served as a camp counselor, giving the children free boxing lessons. This meant that he punched some of them, which seems kind of unfair considering he was trained by Batman.
I should also mention that the camp was built NEXT TO A HIGH SECURITY FEDERAL PRISON. This seems pretty shortsighted, even if their camp counselor is a superhero. The camp hasn’t been seen since 1948, so maybe eventually Dick came to his senses. Or maybe Batman used a shell company to buy it and shut it down since he couldn’t have enjoyed sharing his sidekick with dozens of hyperactive kids.
5) Camp Hiawatha
As Seen In: Adventure Comics #261
If you love your children, do not send them to this camp! It’s a sleepaway camp located near Smallville, which seems cool in practice, but it’s a deathtrap. Lois Lane and Lana Lang attended the camp as teenagers in Adventure Comics #261 and barely survived the experience. A bear attacked them, the rapids wrecked their canoe and almost drowned them, and they got trapped in a cave where they almost suffocated.
Oh, and they also got infected with severe poison ivy (the plant, not the villain) rashes, which turned out to be the least deadly thing that happened to them. Superboy had to save their lives on almost every other page, and even that wasn’t guaranteed because for some reason there was a big Kryptonite rock located in the camp. Looking through all the crazy incidents this camp had, it’s amazing all the campers survived the experience.
In closing, it might be tempting to get your kids out of the house, but it’s not worth the risk. Get them some comics to read or buy a copy of The Flash, and that should occupy them until school starts. They’ll get the same amount of superhero action, minus all the bear attacks, evil ninjas and lessons in self-branded hubris. I mean, Camp Robin? Seriously?
…maybe if it were Camp Batman.
Joshua Lapin-Bertone writes about TV, movies and comics for DC.com, is a regular contributor to the Couch Club and writes our monthly Batman column, "Gotham Gazette." Follow him on Twitter at @TBUJosh.
NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this feature are solely those of Joshua Lapin-Bertone and do not necessarily reflect those of DC Entertainment or Warner Bros., nor should they be read as confirmation or denial of future DC plans.
